Happy Goat Horror

Dark bleetings! I’m not a parent yet but I have babies on the brain recently, and I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about what “type” of mother I hope to be. The kind that bakes cookies? The kind that screams at their kid when they’re being annoying in the back of the car? The kind that has no qualms with offering to do murder and run off with my teenage girls? Who knows! Of course, for inspiration, I turned to my favourite genre, so here are my most and least favourite mothers in horror!

Before getting into it, I want to give a special mention to Ellen Ripley, who is the ultimate protagonist and the ultimate badass. Though she is indeed a mother, her kid isn’t in the films and her parenthood doesn’t really factor in (yes I know she’s maternal to Newt but she barely knows Newt). She’s amazing, but I can’t include her as her motherhood really isn’t a factor. The Alien Queen, on the other hand….

A GOODY – DIANE FROM POLTERGEIST

This spooky classic from 1982 is awesome for many reasons, not least of all because the stakes are so high because we’re dealing with the safety of a family unit. Diane (JoBeth Williams) is nurturing, and cool and calm. Until she realises she shouldn’t be cool and calm. This is a woman on the edge for half the film, and she goes to extreme lengths in the end to save her daughter. Closets are creepy enough at the best of times and what she does is brave as f***.

A BADDIE – ERICA FROM BLACK SWAN

I can’t stand her! To a degree, I understand why she’s… “protective” of Nina, but she’s absolutely suffocating and spends all of her time making every effort to infantilize her grown daughter. She’s clearly co-dependent, which alone isn’t something to demonise someone over, but the way it’s expressed is with total control at all times.

A GOODY – LUCY FROM THE LOST BOYS AND BARBARA FROM SHAUN OF THE DEAD

I’ve put these two together because I love them for exactly the same reasons – they are both such sweet women, possibly the sweetest mothers around. Lucy might be the single cutest adult character in the history of cinema.

Barbara is the kind of mother that will make you sandwiches and tea regardless of whether or not you’re hungry. Both initially appear…. not weak exactly, but pushovers. However, don’t let that distract you from how selfless they actually are, and how much they love their boys!

A BADDIE – DIANE FROM RUN

Chloe is a disabled teenager with some health problems, so naturally her doting mother is a little protective, right?….. RIGHT?! I can’t tell you anything about my reasons for putting Diane in this category, but this film is awesome and never have I been so on the side of the protagonist in my life!

PS. As usual, Sarah Paulson is awesome.

A GOODY – WENDY FROM THE SHINING

For the life of me, I have never understood the fan hate for Wendy – either for the character or for Shelley Duvall’s performance. Beyond finding her annoying, which I guess I understand, I disagree with basically every other criticism I’ve ever heard. She isn’t stupid – she makes the best (and sometimes only) decisions available every time she comes up against something. She listens to and prioritises her son, and comes to the logical conclusions when things go awry. She’s terrorised to within an inch of her sanity by both her increasingly nuts husband and the hotel itself, but still has the sense and smarts to do things like knock Jack out and lock him in the pantry. Wendy is an AWESOME mother, and Duvall’s performance is great, and I will die on that hill!

A BADDIE – MARGARET FROM CARRIE

This bitch.

A GOODY – TORI FROM BRIGHTBURN

Oh man, did I feel for Tori. She wants nothing more than to have a child and then she finally has one and motherhood… isn’t quite what she expected. She’s forced to come to certain realisations that conflict with every parental instinct she has – a truly nightmarish scenario. I love her for the strength it takes to reach the final decision she makes. I can’t even imagine!

A BADDIE – MALORIE FROM BIRDBOX

Listen, I know she ends up thrust into an absolute nightmare of a scenario, which started with a scenario she didn’t even want in the first place. And yes, okay, she’s always put in a horrible situation, and yes, I understand why she’s so emotionally closed off to her kids…. but for god’s sake, the poor kids! I completely acknowledge that practically speaking, she does keep them safe, but she’s so cold towards them, the poor little mites. It’s bad enough that they’re growing up in a world like this one, they could do without day to day life with a mean robot.

THE BESTIE – CHRIS FROM THE EXORCIST

Chris is awesome, and it’s her approach to the situation with her daughter that I think partly makes the film so scary. She has a nice, warm relationship with her kid and then when Regan starts acting weird, she does what any great mother would do and consults professionals. Not just any doctors, but the best doctors… all of them. She does everything in her power to help Regan, including resorting to asking for a priest for help despite not being religious. All she cares about is saving her kid, whatever the plight turns out to be, and despite how scary things are, she never backs off.

THE ‘I DON’T KNOW WHERE TO PUT HER’ MOTHER – ANNIE FROM HEREDITARY

No list about horror mothers is complete without Annie, but honestly, I didn’t know where to put her! Do I like her? Do I not? I don’t know. I have loads of sympathy for her and I think I understand where she’s coming from, but I feel really sorry for her son and conflicted about everything she does, even though I get it. Someone help me!

One thing that’s for sure is that it will forever be a crime that she wasn’t even nominated for the Oscar for this performance – absolutely outrageous!

Who are your most and least favourite mothers in horror?