Happy Goat Horror

Dark bleatings everyone! Halloween is almost upon us, so of course I have some film recommendations for you for the big night! One simply does not enter into the pinnacle of Spooky Season without a great line-up of scary things to watch!

In in the interest of not writing a list that will look like a copy and paste of a million other lists, you will not find Halloween or Hocus Pocus amongst these suggestions. Great choices, of course, but also a given and they don’t need to be listed. I also won’t be recommending other staples and classics, such as The Exorcist, Alien, The Thing, etc. I spent a while browsing my DVD collection (oh yes, I still buy DVDs), and assembled what I think is a good selection. Some of these I’d consider good Halloween family viewing, and others for adults only, so without further ado, and in no particular order…

RETURN TO OZ (1985)

Dorothy returns to Oz, but it’s not as she left it, and thus begins her new adventure – discovering wtf happened! You’ll find enemies way scarier than those flying monkeys, including a magical rock man in sparkling slippers.

Last week, I wrote a whole article about this splendid horror masterpiece, and I simply have to include it here! It’s apparently a kids’ film but honestly, there’s some really scary stuff in it, so judge it according to what your own kid’s comfort level is if you want to watch this as a family movie!

Beware…. WHEELERS!

CADAVER (2020)

A Norwegian film about a starving family surviving in a war-torn area, who are one night invited to a grand charity banquet. But… something is terribly wrong!

A great movie that will have you trying to figure out what the heck, and then how the heck. I love films that have me trying to figure out survival strategies.

THE WITCHES (1990)

A boy and his grandmother stay at a hotel where a convention is being hosted, and the participants are not quite what they seem.

This has great scary scenes, but is also a delightful family-friendly light horror. I saw it for the first time only in the last year or so and found it charming. Except for that unveiling scene… holy crap that scared me!

TALES FROM THE CRYPT: DEMON KNIGHT (1995)

Billy Zane plays a hilarious but savage demon who is trying to track down the last key, which is currently in the possession of Brayker – who is in the know about the demons. And thus begins the ultimate show down in a derelict hotel.

This film is an absolute hoot and it will make you love Billy Zane. I have forever remembered the bit where he pokes a sponge out on his tongue (a sentence that makes no sense unless you’ve seen it). If you’re looking for a balls-out, super fun horror, this is an excellent choice.

IT FOLLOWS (2014)

After a sexual encounter, a young lady is relentlessly followed by something scary as f***, and the only way to get rid of it is to intentionally pass it on to another unsuspecting victim.

Not everyone’s cup of tea, but I love it. I think it’s a great alternative to a slasher film if you’re in the mood for Michael Myers but want a concept a little more out of the box.

DRACULA DEAD AND LOVING IT (1995)

Leslie Nielsen is Dracula and Mel Brooks is Van Helsing. Need I say more?

“She will become one herrrrseeellllf!”

Great fun for the whole family. A mix of silliness that will make your kids laugh, such as Renfield trying to pretend that he’s not eating every bug he sees, and dirty jokes that will make you laugh, and go right over the heads of the aforementioned kids. Also, possibly the most quotable film of all time.

THIR13EN GHOSTS (2001)

A family inherit a weird rich-person house from a recently deceased relative, but discover that the whole thing is a shifting contraption built to house horribly violent and scary ghosts.

This film is SO much fun, and Matthew Lillard is one of the greatest but most unappreciated horror actors of our time. This isn’t a perfect film and there’s loads you can criticise, but it is also a total blast and a lot of fun.

THE PEOPLE UNDER THE STAIRS (1991)

Two adults and a kid break into a house…. and soon wish they hadn’t, because getting out isn’t as easy as getting in. The people who live in the house have some messed up secrets….

I’d say it’s a childhood classic but I wasn’t allowed to watch this and I don’t recommend watching it with your kids – it’s not family friendly! I watched it on the sly behind my mum’s back (teeheehee!). A weird and messed up concept, with several people to root for and some great mean-spirited villains.

THE AUTOPSY OF JANE DOE (2016)

A father and son coroner team perform an autopsy on a Jane Doe, but the more they investigate, the weirder things get.

I can’t tell you anything about this film, not even the genre, without spoiling it. If you can, watch it without seeing any trailers or blurbs or anything. Turn off the lights, make sure there are no noise distractions, and enjoy the freaky ride. GREAT horror film!

CRITTERS (1986)

A family are subjected to a home invasion one night by furry, toothy little bastards from outer space. And Billy Zane is in this too, now that I think about it.

I say this is a family film but, again, judge this by the scary tolerance level of your own kids. I LOVED this as a kid, and love it even more as an adult. It’s packed with outlandish scenes of horror, a straightforward but truly odd plot, a great protagonist, and also it’s very funny. This (and Critters 2) will be in my Top 10 horror films probably for my entire life.

Whatever you’re watching or doing for Halloween this year, I hope you’re embracing the fun of the season and having a blast! Love to you all! ❤