“…let’s just say if I wind up on the news, these are the people who ate me.”
But Brian can handle it, duh. He may be flat broke…his best friend may call him ‘high empathy, no boundaries’…but he’s still from the Main Line, those über-wealthy suburbs of Philadelphia where old-money campuses lurk behind iron gates and half-acre estates line every street. Just smile and nod, Bri. Fawn and grovel.
And Mallory Bain-Dahlhaus needs a housesitter.
The poodle’s in diapers. The cat pisses in the potted plants. And there’s…something on the far side, always on the far side of her gorgeous Tudor mansion.
“It’ll be wherever you’re not.”
The ritual’s simple, if strange. A nice, fat check. A binding spell to give Brian dominion. The closed second floor is off limits — stick to the first or third. But as summer stay leads to autumn visitation, with a winter gig bleeding into the new year, the laws of attraction take root. Step a little closer, Bri. Open the door. Shed that skin.
From debut novelist Brendan Norton comes a queer cosmic horror bacchanal that leaves no luxury unattained and no soul unscathed. Her home is your home.
Dark bleatings, my gorgeous tribe! Today’s book, length-wise, is somewhere between a novella and a novel, and it’s fan-bloody-tastic. What’s with you guys all sending me such brilliant, unique stories recently? One of my favourite reads of the year so far, and I’ll tell you why.
Brian takes a job as a house sitter for an eccentric rich couple that spend a lot of time away from home. He’s needed to guard the house, care for their pets, and…oh yeah…keep an eye on the demon. This last part is just sort of casually dropped in, and it was hilarious because Brian is the kind of character that just rolls with the punches, no matter how insane they are.
The first noticeable thing about this story for me was how much each and every character jumps off the page. And I’m not just talking a little hop, I’m talking leaping with the gravitas of an aerial acrobat, torching the page as they go. Everyone is funny in their own way, everyone has their own turn of phrase, their own little quirks, hell – even cadence, which I know sounds nuts for something you’re reading rather than listening to, but I swear it’s there.
The second thing I automatically loved was not just that this story includes a house-dwelling demon that everyone seems fine with, but the nature of the thing. Spells must be cast in order to confine it (break the loop or pattern and oh dear…), and it just behaves so differently to any other demon I’ve found in horror fiction. It initially seems sort of harmless – it just hangs out on the second floor not doing much. The only thing is does do is mimic the every movement of the person it’s bound to, which is Brian while he’s house sitting, and it only ever takes the form of someone Brian knows. Plucked right out of his mind, you see. Now, the real horror of this isn’t immediately apparent because, as I said, the demon doesn’t seem to have any nasty intentions, or intentions at all.
Though that will change…
The third thing I love, and maybe the thing I love the very most, is the writing style where it concerns the prose. A lot of writers imbue the characters with loads of personality and keep the main body of the prose neutral (when in third person). A lot of writers keep the prose mostly neutral, but lend it to the phrasing and opinions of the characters (notably, Stephen King does this). This author threw out the entire rule book and wrote in a way that almost turns the prose itself into a character all of its own. It not only matches the personality of the protagonist, but also his turn of phrase and even his use of slang. I’m sure there’ll be some readers that will be put off by that element, because it’s so unusual, but I loved it because that style is not only one I’ve never encountered before, but as a writer myself, I’ve never even thought of doing things this way. It’s so unconventional, and yet so perfect for this story – it screams personality in every other aspect so it seems only fitting that the writing style itself falls in line.
I’d say the third act of the story is where things go absolutely bananas, and truthfully, I went through a spell of being a bit confused about what the f*** was happening. However, I was having such a great time on this ride that the disorientation didn’t even bother me, so I can’t honestly name that as a criticism, more a statement about my reading experience.
Love it or loathe it (I love it, you know, in case that wasn’t clear), this book is unique in both demonic concept and its stylistic execution, and I’m afraid this will surely be the start of a Brendan Norton obsession.
I’d recommend this to fans of horror with humour (not spoof like, just funny). If you’d like to check out the book or the author, I’ve popped some links below for you:
Bleeeat!
Happy Goat Horror 
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