Happy Goat Horror

Remember when hunting for horror was a legit quest? You’d roam your local video store, face the judgmental clerk’s glare, and maybe sneak a peek at the box art hoping it wasn’t another generic slasher sequel. Horror was special because it was scarce—a treasure you earned. Now? We’re drowning in an ocean of streaming platforms, each cranking out so many sequels, reboots, and spin-offs that it feels like horror’s been turned into the genre’s version of fast food—cheap, endless, and often stomach-churning.

Take Halloween, for example. John Carpenter’s original was a lean, mean nightmare machine that defined modern slasher terror. Since then, we’ve had at least five different timelines and a pile of sequels and reboots that make your head spin faster than Michael Myers’ knife. We’ve seen Halloween H20, Resurrection, Rob Zombie’s gritty but divisive take, then the Blumhouse trilogy that tries to wipe the slate clean — and then Halloween Ends, which somehow manages to be a yawn after two decades of franchise fatigue. I mean, how many more ways can one mask and knife kill the same story?

Or how about the Conjuring universe? It started with a genuinely creepy haunted house story and grew into a sprawling empire of demon dolls, possessed nuns, and more jump scares than a jack-in-the-box factory. We got Annabelle, Annabelle: Creation, The Nun, Annabelle Comes Home… At this rate, we’ll soon have Annabelle vs. The Toaster. The spin-offs are so frequent that the terror feels less like a creeping horror and more like a franchise checklist: new demon, new spin-off, rinse and repeat.

Then there’s The Purge, which began as a clever social commentary wrapped in violent thrills but quickly turned into a sprawling mess of sequels and TV series that stretch the concept thinner than a ghost’s sheet. The original felt fresh, but now it’s like they’re milking the idea for every last drop of blood—and we’re left wondering when the creativity left the building.

And streaming services? Don’t get me started. Netflix, Hulu, Amazon—they’re dropping new horror movies and series faster than I can hit “Skip Intro.” Some hits like The Haunting of Hill House and Midnight Mass remind us why horror can still terrify and inspire. But those gems are buried under piles of lazy remakes, straight-to-streaming sequels, and uninspired originals that feel like filler episodes in a never-ending content machine. It’s horror by quantity, not quality.

This isn’t just a content glut; it’s a soul crisis. Horror isn’t just noise, jump scares, or gore splattered across a screen. It’s supposed to make you feel—a creeping dread, a gnawing unease, an unsettling atmosphere that stays with you after the credits roll. Instead, we’re stuck with franchises churning out product designed to feed algorithms and stock portfolios, not to scare or surprise.

I miss the horror movies that made me think as much as scream—the slow burns like Hereditary, The Witch, or It Follows, where the fear sneaks in and refuses to let go. The ones with mood, tension, and atmosphere, not just cheap tricks. These days, it feels like horror is on a hamster wheel of jump scares and recycled ideas, and we’re all just spinning along, dizzy and disappointed.

So here’s my grumpy plea to the studios and streamers: stop milking the same tired cows and invest in fresh voices, bold ideas, and real storytelling. Horror fans deserve better than endless sequels and spin-offs that barely try to innovate. We want stories that push the genre forward, not drag it behind a chainsaw screaming for mercy.

Because right now? It feels like we’re stuck in a horror movie franchise that’s run way past its welcome—and I’m ready to change the channel.

That’s enough outta me. Now get off my lawn.