Happy Goat Horror

Dark bleatings, my beautiful tribe, and Happy Valentine’s Day. I’ll get right to the point…here’s a bunch of book recommendations to read on this special, romantic day. I…er…don’t really know what I was thinking. Anyway, here we go!

Breathers – by S. G. Browne

A zombie tale of self-discovery, love, and an insatiable hunger that our main characters realise can be satiated after all…

It’s sweet and funny but also it’s zombies so expect your stomach to turn. With love, of course.

Carmilla – by Sheridan Le Fanu

Famously known as “that lesbian vampire story”, which it is, but it’s also much more. There’s deep feeling here, not to mention that several themes are delicately woven in. The toothy sweetness!

House of Hunger – by Alexis Henderson

More toothy but less with the sweetness. This explores class, lifestyle, and being a blood maid (which, in this world, is equivalent to prostitution). I won’t spoil what a blood maid is but needless to say, this is intimate at times. It invokes images of the colour red, which conjures images of blood perhaps, but also love hearts!

Children of Solitude – by Michael G. Williams

If you’re feeling saucy but also want to be haunted, this is perfect. A man returns to his mother’s house where scary stuff is going on, but also there’s a hot guy that our protagonist is already a fan of, and one thing leads to another and yay! If you have to deal with terrifying supernatural forces, the least the universe can give you is some lovely shlong action to offset the horror.

That Which Stands Outside – by Mark Morris

Perhaps you’d prefer to read something with a more realistic couple dynamic? After all, it can’t be roses and cuddles all the time, sometimes people have relationship issues. Issues like travelling to a remote Nordic island with your girlfriend only to discover the locals seem scared of her. Issues like folkish cults and cave creatures. You know, relationship issues like that.

Sacrilege – by Barbara Avon

A former priest rents out a room in a boarding house, on the run from his past. The thing is, you can’t really outrun Satan. At least this guy meets the woman who runs the boarding house and forms a connection with her. So that’s nice, that’s something. This is maybe more for those who’d like to read a “here for a fun time, not a long time, because of Satan” kind of dynamic.

The Picture of Dorian Gray – by Oscar Wilde

Sometimes other people are disappointing so you have no choice but to be utterly in love with yourself.

The Bucket List – by Mark Towse and Chisto Healy

Okay so this is perfect for a couple or even group read. YES! If you’re in a poly relationship and there are several of you, this is actually ideal. This is about three couples that end up in a B&B one night, run by another couple. Elderly folk called Alby and Marge. They might be deranged, but one thing’s for sure, none of these people will ever forget their stay. If they live through it, of course.

Rosemary’s Baby – by Ira Levin

A classic tale of a young couple living in a new apartment, with friendly neighbours nearby, and – oh look! – a baby on the way! A baby that the neighbours are extremely invested in for some reason. So that’s nice. Love all around!

You – by Caroline Kepnes

Ooh now this one is the story of Joe, a hopeless romantic that develops a deep love for a woman he’s just met. Sure he might be a bit…possessive, and also a bit murdery, but the important thing to focus on is that he’s very dedicated.

Dear Laura – by Gemma Amor

A relationship that spans years despite the protagonist never meeting the guy who’s been writing her letters for most of her life. He sends her some info about her kidnapped friend, and he asks her for gifts in return. And when you think about it, Valentine’s Day really is about gifts, so this is appropriate as a recommendation, isn’t it?

Isn’t it??

Dead Inside – by Chandler Morrison

A depraved story of rogue and specific sexual appetites that involve the living but also mostly the dead. Not for the easily disgusted or disturbed! If you’re feeling sexy today then…actually no, don’t read this because unless you’re deeply troubled, this will put you off. Not that I’m trying to yuck a yum here or anything but…

Exquisite Corpse – by Poppy Z. Brite

I’m now ready to admit that I lost my mind when I made this list, but here we are and it’s too late to turn back now, my lovely valentines! This is the story of several men who are just living their best sexual and romantic lives.

And some of them are serial killers.

If you’re single and don’t want to be but you worry that maybe you’re too weird for someone else, let me assure you that you’re good. If the people in this book can find love and connection, anyone can.

Happy Valentine’s Day and Happy Reading! Much love to you all ❤

Bleeeeat!