Happy Goat Horror

Dark bleatings, my beloved tribe! I know I know I know… I KNOW what you’re thinking… “wtf is a book by Britney Spears doing on this website?” Initially, I wasn’t going to post about it here, but the more I thought about it, the more I thought, “f*** it, I think it belongs”.

I grew up with Britney Spears, but sort of secretly. I discovered metal music around the time she got really popular, and when you’re a teen just discovering and trying to fit into the metal scene, also liking pop – especially someone like Britney – is a big no-no. At least it was at the time and where I lived. You could either like metal or other genres, but not both. I did like both, but didn’t want to be seen as a loser by my new metal friends, so I listened to the likes of Britney and Christina and – oh god help me – Ricky Martin – in secret.

It’s been a really long time since I actually cared about the lives of celebrities in the sense of following the media and judging them according to tabloid gossip. I’m just not interested. But when this book came out, I had to have it for some reason. All I knew was that I was sad about the turn Britney’s life seemed to have taken, that she had been under some sort of legal control, and that she is now posting weird reels on the Internet. The release of The Woman In Me piqued my curiosity and so I dove in. Why not?

Well, I read it in one sitting, whilst angrily texting my bestie every time some horrible revelation was made. Out of all the autobiographies I’ve read, this one definitely belongs on a horror website. If everything depicted is to be believed (and for the most part, I do, especially due to the conservatorship being a solid fact), an enormous chunk of the poor woman’s life was an absolute horror show. She divulges the details of her romantic life, and motherhood, and I wasn’t not interested in these aspects, but I wasn’t blown away either. These are universal struggles to which I’m sure a lot of people relate. However, the conservatorship. I went cold reading about it.

I understand the need for someone to step up and take over when someone is incapacitated in some way. Medical decisions, for example, if someone is in a coma. Financial and home care decisions for people who suffer with conditions that greatly affect their cognition and personal agency – it’s sad that others need to take the reigns, but sometimes it is necessary. But this was a whole load of “what the f***?!”

Imagine being told that you’re not mentally capable of making any of your own decisions, that you’re not healthy enough to decide ANYTHING for yourself, and then having a judge legally sign off on that and then hand said reigns to an alcoholic abuser. I felt my anxiety shoot through the roof as I read about that decision being made – the thought is inconceivable to me. I wondered how much worse things could get outside that moment of learning that you are no longer allowed to run your own life. So much worse, as it happens.

She was deemed incapable of deciding for herself whether or not she could care for her own kids, have more kids if she wanted, drink alcohol, manage her own finances – hell, she wasn’t even allowed to drink coffee. Allowed. To. Drink. Coffee. A grown woman who can’t even wake up in the morning and pour herself a cup of coffee.

It was both perplexing and absolutely infuriating to read that she was deemed incapable of deciding what to eat for breakfast in the morning, yet she was deemed fit and healthy enough to work a ridiculously gruelling schedule performing her residency show in Vegas. She was forced to dance and perform, but wasn’t allowed to make any decisions about the songs or the show. Her outfits were decided for her because, you know, she was too mentally unstable to pick a top, but she was fine to work 14 hour days. My blood boiled as I read that her dad became a multi-millionaire with his cut of her earnings, which she wasn’t allowed access to. If she dared push back, he’d have her indefinitely institutionalised.

13 years that went on for, where she couldn’t even decide, without permission, to go for a walk, or use the Internet, or have her own phone. I’m absolutely floored and disgusted that this is legal, especially since it’s so blatantly obvious that the entire thing was fuelled by financial greed and not any real concern. I’m sure I’m just re-treading what a thousand other people have said, but my jaw is still on the floor. Suddenly, all of her perceptibly weird antics on Instagram make a lot more sense.

From a writing standpoint, I can’t sit here and tell you it’s particularly well-written. It’s quite repetitive at times and basic, and there’s no real structure. But to be honest, I wasn’t expecting a woman who’s been working in showbiz since childhood to tell a story the same way as someone who benefitted from at least the normal minimum of finishing school at 16.

After reading Gemma Amor’s Full Immersion, and then this, shortly after, my thoughts are still dominated by the mistreatment and abuse inflicted on women in particular by society and medical and legal professionals. It wasn’t so long ago that women who complained about – or were accused of – any sort of mental distress, were confined to rooms for indefinite periods of time. Because their husbands and male doctors decided that the best way to “help” women with ailments was to confine them in locked rooms, remove all their agency, and force them to just sit in there until they “calmed down”. It is absolutely horrific to me that Britney’s experience is barely a shade better than that.

I don’t know who tf to recommend this to – Britney fans, I guess. And perhaps people with an interest in social and medical politics. If you want to inflict this abomination of a life experience on yourself, the link is below:

THE WOMAN IN ME